[Fun] Top tips........

[Phil Davies]

TOP TIPS

COOKING: Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending $50 to yourself by
Royal mail.

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the bin.

HOME MAINTENANCE: You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and
does, use the duct tape.

WAKING UP: A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent
you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze
button.

HOME IMPROVEMENTS: If it doesn't fit - get a bigger hammer.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn
and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send
them on their way.

SINGLE MEN: Convince people you have a girlfriend by standing outside
department stores with bags of shopping, looking at your watch and
occasionally glancing inside.

SHOPPERS: Take one grape to the till. It won't register on the low-tech,
insensitive scales so you will get it for free. Repeat this procedure
100 times or so and you have yourself a free bunch of grapes.

HOME MAINTENANCE: If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an
electrical problem.

 Washing : Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment,
circle the soiled area with a permanent pen so that when you remove it
from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone.

FEMALE SHOP ASSISTANTS: When a garage mechanic comes to your till, add
on a selection of random items they didn't know they needed and charge
them $50 labour costs for the transaction.

 

 

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